What is the danger of boredom and what to do if life becomes boring. My life is boring and monotonous! We never go anywhere, they don’t give me any surprises! I don’t have any friends, now school will start again, but it distracts me from the gray days! girls why not

Greetings psychologists!
Why is my life boring, because I can’t do anything, I’m still lonely, I’m 29 years old, I’m alone.
Probably it all started from childhood, I was silent, I had no friends, no girlfriends, at school I was a quiet person, they hurt me, but I endured, and in my student years, I also didn’t communicate with anyone, so I grew up and was left with this problem for life, I'm not sociable,
I hate myself for this, I feel bad that I lost so many years of my life, but how I want to go back and change everything, then my life would be different.
I started going to a psychologist, but so far there are no results.
How can I change, how can I feel a taste for life, enjoy everything that is around, stop being the way my past made me, I really want this, be sociable, cheerful, cheerful, forget my past, and live in the present, but it doesn’t work out, everyone since something or someone reminds me of this.
I ask you to help me, I’m so tired of living, sometimes you even think about something bad, and what if I wasn’t in this world, no one cares about me anyway, whether I exist or not.
I am a person trying to change myself. From a reserved person, I want to turn into a sociable, cheerful girl.
I know that this is very difficult, but I will try, just tell me, advise, maybe some literature, advise.
Thank you in advance.

Answers from psychologists

Svetlana, hello!

it looks like you want everything at once and as quickly as possible - and this, in my opinion, is the most ineffective way to possible changes in life. It's better to set small goals for yourself and learn to be happy achieved successes, this is the only way, and not self-flagellation, you can change your life for the better.

Best regards, Chinara Ismailova

Hello Svetlana.

I read your letter..., I want to sympathize..., your loneliness..., your boring life...,

I am glad that you tried to change - together with a psychologist.

The alarming thing is that you want instant changes.

The psychologist probably explained to you that there should be no immediate changes, and if there are, they should have alerted him.

Books?... a lot of books, even more than needed.

But the more you live in someone else’s mind, the less of your own remains :).

If only everything were that simple...

The book should fall on the "plowed soil". Otherwise, the knowledge from the book will remain book knowledge and will not become yours.

Rather, working with a psychologist can bring results.

It happens that the specialist is not yours, just as there cannot be one medicine for everyone.

Try changing it. (If you see that there is no change, it does not become lighter).

If you are in Almaty, come.

I don’t promise quick results, especially since I believe that the patient should work harder when working together.

And I help.

Together we move, change, advance.

If this way of asking the question suits you, call us.

G. Idrisov.

Hello Svetlana! To become sociable, you need to start communicating, talk with people on different topics, and be interested in everything that is happening in the world. And first, learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Having accepted your shortcomings and advantages, you can move on to the next step. stage, start introducing something new into your life. New behavior and new positive thoughts. Sincerely, Olesya.

I’m at a dead end, I don’t know what to do, what to do with myself... There is work, but it’s monotonous and boring, I’m already going to look for a part-time job to diversify my life. Sometimes, especially at night, such melancholy attacks that you even want to cry... It seems like there is a job, there is a roof over your head, but... there is no support, no care, no love, no health... I very often ask myself The question is why some have everything - health, money, a loved one, while others have nothing.....???? Life is terribly boring and I don’t know how to diversify it, I don’t know what I want... Maybe you can tell me how to feel more confident in this world, protected and love myself...

You reason like this: there seems to be work, there is a roof... But what kind of work? Boring. How to love yourself if you do something you don't like? Every day, when you come to an unloved, boring job, you confirm your worthlessness and prove to yourself that life is boring. Of course it’s boring – after all, we spend almost 70% of the day at work. It turns out that all this time you are in a state of melancholy. Will a part-time job solve this problem? Hardly. You will become more tired and irritated. Can you find a job where your life will be full and interesting? Or move forward in your current job? Go to study if you don’t have enough skills to advance? Set personal professional goals?

Many people find fulfillment and a taste for life through an interesting hobby, which often develops into a profession. Only you yourself can make your life bright. And in order to get something from other people, you need to give them something. That's how life works.

There is as much money as the energy you put into its production.

There are as many friends as there is energy and warmth you put into the relationship.

You see: invest, invest... It's like investing in a bank. First you need to put money in, and then, only then dividends.

But I don’t want to invest because I have no motivation. A We can only be motivated by what we are personally interested in . And not what others have. Then self-confidence comes - you feel like a person in demand and needed. What is self-confidence? First of all, it is love for life: for life in general and for life in oneself.

Lack of life goals creates boredom and depression. This has become a very common problem these days. And it doesn't depend on availability material assets. According to domestic and foreign researchers, by 2020 depression will become the most common disease in the world.

Let's talk about how to understand your personal motivation and become a source of energy for yourself. How to build a solid foundation for your life. How to live interestingly and feel confident.

Portrait in the interior.

First, let's create an ideal portrait of our interesting life. Without regard to how others do. And because you want it. Let's just dream. To do this you need to answer next questions:

- Who you are? (What do you look like, what do you do, why do they love you?);
- Who should you spend time with to make life interesting?
- How much money should you have for this?
- What type of activity should you do?
- How should you behave?
- How much time should you devote certain types activities?

The description should be very specific and detailed. Carefully study what is written and try to highlight the main life goals. Let there be 5-7 of them, no more. Write them down.

I want and I can.

Now we have an idea of ​​what we want in this life. It's time to think about what we can really do. Now mark only those goals for the implementation of which you are ready to really work hard, study, in general, spend energy and time.

Don't fool yourself. In addition to the desire to do something, there must be abilities and inclinations. In other words, if you are 40 years old and want to become a famous ballerina, but have never done it, then, unfortunately, it is too late to start. But you can think about this: what needs of yours are you satisfying with this desire? Perhaps this is a need for respect? Then think about what other purpose could satisfy this need? The same need can be satisfied by achieving different goals. And this is very important: since we get true pleasure not so much from achieving goals, but from satisfying needs. Knowing this, we can enjoy life absolutely different ways without focusing on unattainable goals.

Total psychologists identify several basic needs that drive a person:

Psychologist's advice

- Physiological needs(in eating, drinking, breathing, sex and self-defense, etc.);
- Security needs(in the “reliability” of physical and social condition: material, health, prosperous old age, the absence of all kinds of shocks such as wars and revolutions, etc.);
- Social needs(in love, contacts, social activity and so on.);
- Need for respect(in respect and self-esteem, prestige, success, etc.);
-Need for self-actualization(in self-realization, self-affirmation, self-realization and understanding of one’s place in the world).

It must be remembered that Over time, motives may change. This is due to the fact that when one need is satisfied, a person has another, higher level. For example, if you already receive a salary that provides you completely, there may be a need for recognition, prestige, to become a well-known specialist, to transfer your knowledge, to have the appropriate attributes of power.

I do it and I get it.

Thus, we still have the most important goals for which we will try. Now the question arises: how to achieve all this? There are a few simple principles, following which you can build your life in the desired direction.

1. Set your priorities.

Achieving which goal requires attention first? It’s no secret that some goals can only be achieved during certain periods of time.

2. Make a plan to achieve your goals.

Have you ever wondered why we achieve some goals and not others? For example, you are going to quit smoking. Some day. This usually happens when a doctor examines your lungs for x-ray, begins to worry about how you are still breathing. And then you quit smoking, simply because you want to live. But when at work the boss says that the report needs to be submitted by April 30, that’s a different matter, then we start working hard. We achieve our goal only by adhering to a schedule or schedule tied to a specific date or period. Once you have determined exactly what you want, you need to decide how long it will take to achieve it.

Life is not just a list of things to do every day. I want every day to bring joy. But it happens that the routine takes up all the time, nothing arouses interest or brings joy, and life simply becomes boring. What will help restore interest in what is happening? What can interfere?

Laziness

If you observe social networks, you will notice that laziness is almost cultivated. They joke about it, they compete to see who is the laziest. At the same time it is erased important fact: laziness is definitely negative quality. It leads to the fact that a person cannot force himself to do anything, even what is really necessary. Because of this, life becomes boring and monotonous.

It’s worth asking yourself: why has my life become boring? Because there really is no time? Or are all your free minutes spent reviewing endless news on your social media feed? Is the evening devoted to aimlessly wandering through TV channels?

So first you have to make an effort and force yourself to do something. To make it easier, you need to learn to enjoy the process, even from doing the most boring work. It’s worth giving yourself the mindset: action is better than inactivity.

Boring job

Life can seem boring if most of it is spent doing work you don't like. In order not to howl with melancholy, some psychologists recommend doing work as if it brings pleasure - this is a way to play up your perception. If it doesn’t work out, then it’s worth trying, doing the work and concentrating completely on it, without being distracted by thoughts about it. lunch break or flirt with a colleague. It's easier to get carried away by a process you're completely focused on.

There can be a great temptation to do something you don't like carelessly. This is also obviously a dead end path. On the contrary, if you do your job in the best possible way and monitor your results, your work will be more interesting. Some people compare work to an empty house. Doing only what you need to do is like living in an empty house. And if you bring something of your own into it, it will be more interesting.

For example, the cashier is required to say hello, offer a package, punch the item and take the money. But if this cashier remembers regular customers, greets them and remembers, for example, that they never take a package or inquires about the health of other family members, he himself will be more interested in his job.

It is important to get rid of a negative attitude towards your business and gossip that someone is given more interesting work. By talking about this you can convince not only others, but also yourself. This approach does not make you happy.

Another way to add variety to a boring job is to get better at it. Improve your qualifications, or learn more about communicating with people or about the technology you will have to work with. By gaining new knowledge, it is easier to see the big picture, it becomes easier to solve problems and, in general, life is more interesting. In addition, there is a greater chance that a person who is good at his job will be valued more: his salary will be increased or he will be offered a different position.

Lack of time

It may seem strange, but some people may find life boring because they believe that they do not have enough free time. Firstly, as stated above, they can try to enjoy what they spend most of their time doing.

You can try to arrange a day for yourself without the Internet and TV. This will help you notice how much time is actually wasted. But they could be devoted to something actually interesting: learning a new language, a hobby, communicating with loved ones.

What else can you do?

There are opportunities to bring interest into your life every day. For example, set yourself a goal every day to do something differently than usual. It could be a small thing: for example, instead of taking the bus to work, ride a bike or walk. The changes don't have to be rational: it may be faster and more convenient to travel by bus. But you can drink coffee on foot along the way. Everyone decides for himself what exactly new he will do: put on a different shirt, smile at a colleague, or put a flower in a pot on his desk.

Being may not determine consciousness in everything, but it certainly influences it. This means you need to change something in your home. Rearranging the furniture or re-pasting the wallpaper can also help you learn something new. Important step- throw away everything old, something that no one has used for the last couple of years, but is lying around just in case. Our attitude towards life is greatly influenced by the things we have.

There is a simple psychological trick: if you want to put things in order in your head, put things in order in your closet. Following this analogy, you can get the conclusion: if you want changes to happen in your head, change something in the closet and in the house, throw away the old, dull, broken and give it to someone you don’t need.

Another way to avoid boredom is to agree to help someone more often. This is an opportunity to get joy from what was useful, make new friends and learn something new. There is no need to dive headlong into altruism, allowing people to sit on your neck. But you shouldn’t be too upset because of someone’s ingratitude either: we do good first of all for ourselves.

What not to do

Do not try to abuse alcohol or take drugs. This is not the kind of variety that brings long-term results. Firstly, after alcohol or drug intoxication, life does not seem so interesting. Secondly, the consequences that appear later do not make you bored, but they also cannot make you happy.

Don't spend hours on the Internet. Jokes, videos, news (fake and real) - a series of changing pictures in in social networks It's just addictive. Some of this can be really interesting, but most of it is viewed automatically, just looking for something new.

Firstly, this takes an unreasonably long time - if all the time that is spent on social networks is spent on learning how to play on some musical instrument, then in a couple of months you can achieve good results. Secondly, the Internet creates the illusion of being busy. It's like expecting to have a toned body by watching a fitness class: expecting interesting life, looking at how fascinating someone has it.

Don't feel sorry for yourself. This is the root of laziness and most fears. There is no need to feel sorry for yourself, giving up after the first thought that something is impossible. These may be thoughts: “Well, I can’t get up so early!” Why? I really can’t because I have to be at work at five in the morning? Or is it because we stay on our smartphones until midnight? "I can not do it!"

Really can't, or am I just not willing to put in more effort than usual? If you constantly feel sorry for a child, without forcing him to read, get up early for school, study and train hard, he will eventually grow up to be a deeply unhappy person. The same thing happens to an adult who is used to feeling sorry for himself.

If you live each day as just a to-do list, life can actually become boring. But this is not a verdict: you can always change either your lifestyle or your attitude towards it. And enjoy these changes.

Stella, Svirsk

When you feel that your life is becoming very boring, then you should do everything possible to spice up your life. Perhaps your career is holding you back with constant obstacles and chronic stress. You may also be tired of the home atmosphere. You should try to find something that you are passionate about. This will help you refresh your mind and find a way to bring the best into your life. Additionally, if you want to get back in touch with your passions, you must get rid of the negative habits, feelings and emotions that make you feel sick and tired of everything in your life. Here are some tips on how to break boring life and be happier.

1. Create a dream journal

Why not start keeping a dream journal and writing down at least one dream every day? When you dream, you imagine your desired reality and experience positive feelings and emotions. Psychologists say that dreams are a direct connection with your desires and passions. I am sure that every person, especially big dreamers, sees a huge number of dreams and easily forgets about them. I suggest taking paper and writing down your dreams. Later, you will have a list of dreams and desires so that you know what you want and how to achieve these goals and cherished ideas.

2. Do something new every day

In order to get out of a rut, you have to do something new. This will help you shift your mindset and become more confident. Many people suffer from the fear of doing something unusual, and deviating from the established order. If you visit new grocery store or go to work by bus instead of the metro, you can feel new emotions and gain new and interesting experience. Give a start to various hobbies and leisure activities. This will make you an even more interesting and versatile person. Plus, you will have the opportunity to find new friends and make new and pleasant acquaintances.

3. Difficult conversations need to happen.

If you are suffering from something and you cannot take the time to confront the problem and deal with the situation, you will become bored, exhausted and idle for ages. No matter how uncomfortable it may seem, you must muster up your courage to have an unpleasant conversation and stand your ground. Hidden negative emotions are like cancer tumor, which is killing you slowly from the inside. Make it a habit to find an opportunity to say everything you don't like. This approach will help you maintain and improve your mental and physical well-being.

4. Write a gratitude list.

When you are chronically bored, your mind becomes accustomed to a negative perception of the world. We need to break the chain negative thoughts by training your mind to see the best. Just write down five things you love. This way, your thinking will change for the better in a fairly short period of time. A gratitude list will open your eyes to the beauty of the world around you. Focusing on positive points will develop a sense of gratitude.

5. Ask your loved ones about your best qualities.

Nowadays, people are often depressed due to their boring and busy lives. Accordingly, it is very easy to lose confidence in your strengths and abilities. This mental condition creates uncertainty, fear and contradictions in your mind. You feel doubt that you could change anything for the better. If you realize that you cannot overcome this condition alone, then interview people you know well and who can name your best qualities. It is very rewarding to listen to other people praising you and mentioning your strengths. This will boost your self-esteem and help you feel more confident.

6. Make new friends

New friends and communication with interesting people are The best way fight boredom. If you don't know how to meet new people, you should be involved in activities that will help you connect with other like-minded people. Depending on your hobbies and preferences, you can visit night club, volunteer organizations or any event that might make new friends. You must remember that lying on the couch and suffering from boredom and depression can harm your health.

7. Watch your body

When I was bored, I usually preferred to relieve stress by eating a pan of biscuits. I noticed that it made me feel better, but it was bad for my body. Consequently, I realized that candy and junk food could play havoc with my mental as well as physical well-being and I decided to give up this terrible habit. I started working on ridding my mind of negative emotions and thoughts. Now I am proud of myself because I have successfully achieved my goal. I want you to know that this annoying habit is a vampire's true passion. Try replacing eating unhealthy foods with exercise every day.

Cows spend most During the day, while chewing cud, dogs run behind their tails for fun, and cats love to play with balls of balls. People have more high level functioning, therefore, in order to lift a person's mood, great mental stimulation is required. If you feel like your life has become too boring and is moving at a snail's pace, take a look at the situation! Here are ten reasons why most people have this attitude towards life.

You feel limited

When you feel like you're in control of your life, it's much easier to find it interesting. If you feel that you are trapped, you are limited by life circumstances and cannot make decisions on your own, for example, because your partner controls you in everything, it becomes too difficult for you to cope with boredom. Try to take your own life into your own hands and take the initiative - believe me, this will instantly transform your view of the world.

You are not trying to develop your ability to find entertainment

Some people only feel interested when watching TV or playing games on their smartphone. Relying solely on external stimulation is harmful to the psyche. Sooner or later, nothing will delight or seem new. If you develop the ability to cope with boredom more constructively, you will always find life interesting. It is no coincidence that they say that smart people there is never a dull moment - learn to find interesting things in everything that surrounds you, and your life will become richer.

You don't set goals for yourself

Setting goals is important if you want to enrich your life. There are many areas of life in which improvement can be made - this may be related to work, health or social life. Read books, set sports goals for yourself if you love active image life, educate yourself and develop new practical skills, meet people. There are simply an endless number of possibilities, you just need to take the first step towards your goal!

Are you afraid of failure?

Let's be honest: doing the same thing every day is not very interesting. But what's stopping you from trying something new? Perhaps you are simply afraid of failure. This is quite understandable, however, you must understand that you will not be able to cope with despondency if you never try anything. Leave your comfort zone and look for new opportunities, trust me, you won't regret it.

You always refuse invitations from friends

There are always reasons not to leave the house: it’s cold outside, you’re tired, you’re afraid to meet someone who annoys you... Forget about these excuses and start meeting with friends more often! There's always an option to spend time together that will keep you entertained, so stop spending all your time at home.

You rarely get out of your city

It doesn’t matter where you live, in the provinces or in a metropolis, everyone needs a change of scenery from time to time. Give yourself the opportunity to travel, visit a city you've never been to before, if you can, go to an exotic corner of the earth and make new friends along the way. This will give you bright emotions and will allow you to forget about boredom.

You're not trying to develop

A person gets much more pleasure from life if he is ready to change and grow. You should not give up your own principles and your individuality. Just focus on self-development and move in a direction that truly inspires you.

You stopped doing what you like

If you used to play sports more often or enjoy drawing, and then gave it all up, it’s no wonder that life seems boring to you. Try to return to your favorite hobbies to begin to feel joy in your own life again.

You have a negative attitude towards everything new

If you refuse invitations from friends, don't pay attention to events because you are sure it will be a waste of time, and never go anywhere, a problem is inevitable. With this approach to life, you are guaranteed to be bored. Try to be a more open-minded person and try something unusual. So you will find great way cope with boredom!