A typical introvert: myths and reality. Introvert, who is this? You are a true friend

Once upon a time there lived a man. Not too sociable. In the mornings, he was terrified at the mere thought of going into the office and talking to people. In the evenings, he wanted to be alone as soon as possible, so he rejected all offers from colleagues to have dinner together. And on weekends, when his friends were partying in noisy clubs, he sat at home and read books.

If you think this story is about you, then you are a real introvert. Do not worry. Are you okay. But you need to learn to live happily, not waste energy, and succeed in this noisy world where most people are obsessed with communication.

An introvert in a world of extroverts

Some people cannot live without communication and new experiences. For them, there is no worse punishment than being alone for a long time. They need constant external stimulation to feel energetic and alert. After a busy day at work, they would prefer to go to a fun, noisy party rather than spend the evening at home with a book in their hands. They make acquaintances easily, make decisions quickly and begin to act almost immediately. These are typical extroverts. And they are the majority in our world.

Today, many believe that only this model of behavior allows them to achieve success and recognition. Extroverted qualities are indeed very important in a variety of fields, such as business, where the emphasis is on teamwork, or sales. Generally, outgoing people are perceived as friendlier, more confident, and helpful. Sometimes it seems that in the modern world there is simply no place for introverts.

Does this mean there is something wrong with quiet, thoughtful, solitude-loving introverts? And should they break themselves in order to adapt to the demands of our crazy world? Of course not. If only extroverts inhabited the planet, we would not have Sir Isaac Newton's law of universal gravitation, Albert Einstein's theory of relativity, Fryderyk Chopin's nocturnes, George Orwell's 1984, Steven Spielberg's Schindler's List, Sergey Brin and Larry Page's Google, Harry Potter" by JK Rowling, "Sunflowers" by Vincent van Gogh.

It's time for all of us to get rid of our preconceptions about introversion.

Introversion should not be confused with shyness: extroverts sometimes also have this quality. A shy person is afraid of making a bad impression on others, but at the same time he may want to communicate more. An introvert is simply tired and exhausted by an excess of external stimuli - bustle, noise, chatter.

The main difference between an extrovert and an introvert is what gives each of them strength and what takes it away. An introvert draws energy from himself. In order to be cheerful and balanced, he needs full access to his thoughts, feelings and sensations. And an extrovert is literally charged by the outside world. He is simply happy if there are a lot of people around and life is bustling all around.

Despite all the prejudices, introverts can be no less confident, friendly, curious and successful than extroverts. They just need a lot more peace, quiet and privacy.

Choose what suits you

Accept yourself for who you are. Stop feeling bad about turning down a dinner invitation in favor of reading a good book. If you like to dine at a restaurant all alone, feel free to do so. And, of course, there is nothing wrong with the fact that you prefer serious, meaningful conversations with your best friend to noisy parties.

Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you should do it. Stay home for New Year's if it makes you happy. Skip pointless meetings. Cross to the other side of the street to avoid idle chatter with random acquaintances.

For an introvert, like for any person, relationships are important, but you should look for quality, not quantity. A narrow circle of friends is enough to be happy. Cherish your loved ones, take care of them. Work with those colleagues whom you treat with sympathy and respect. Look for those you like among your new acquaintances. And don't force yourself to communicate with everyone else.

Try to find an interesting, inspiring job that uses your strengths: tenacity, deep thinking, concentration, insight and sensitivity. While extroverts tend to lead in the public sphere, introverts are most likely to succeed in theoretical and aesthetic activities. In many fields (such as the arts and sciences) it is impossible to achieve serious results without solitude.

The ideal option for an introvert is. But if you have to work in a team, think about how to minimize the noise and bustle that distracts you from important tasks. Maybe you will agree with your boss about a personal account and take on projects that do not require teamwork.

When to wear the extrovert mask

A significant part of our personality is determined by genes, the brain, and the nervous system. However, we are able to adapt to our environment and, to a certain extent, expand the boundaries of our capabilities.

No introvert can become an extrovert. At the same time, almost everyone can learn to maintain small talk, speak in public, communicate with strangers, and behave calmly and naturally during meetings.

Some introverts manage to hide their true selves for years. Of course, you shouldn't do this. In many cases, it is better to stay in your comfort zone. However, sometimes circumstances force us to adapt to the world of extroverts. When there are no other options, you can pretend to be a little more active and sociable. But only for a while.

You don't have to wear an extrovert mask to live up to someone else's expectations. But you can wear it briefly for key personal projects - for work that you consider truly important, but also for the sake of people you love or anything that you value highly. The main thing is to apply this method within reasonable limits and not forget about your true needs.

If you're doing something out of character for a key personal project, don't suppress your character too hard or for too long. To avoid burnout, try to create “recharge niches” in your daily life. This could be a place where you go to be yourself (say, a nearby park), or a period of time (say, a short break between business calls).

Make a deal with extroverts

It is not uncommon for introverts to marry or become friends with extroverts. In such a union, it can be difficult for people to understand each other’s needs: one person wants to have a party, and the second wants to spend time together; one dreams of getting out somewhere on the weekend, while the other is quite happy with a cozy sofa, favorite book and family board games.

There is no point in arguing whose holiday option is better. It's just that what works for an introvert can be tiring and boring for an extrovert. And vice versa. The only way to peacefully coexist is to enter into an agreement in which everyone gets what they need.

For example, you can agree to go out half of the time and stay at home half of the time. The agreement also applies if you come to your best friend’s bachelorette party, and she understands your absence for three days before the wedding.

Be sure to discuss these rules with loved ones who are prone to extroversion in order to protect them and yourself from conflicts, absurd grievances and misunderstandings in the future.

Make an agreement with yourself

In some situations, it is useful to come to an agreement with yourself. For example, if you live alone but want to find someone close to you, you will have to force yourself to attend public events. It makes sense to decide in advance how often you can go out - once a week, month or quarter. Once the quota is met, you will have the right to stay at home without suffering from remorse.

Or, let’s say you dream of starting your own company and working from home. In this case, you need to spend some time establishing business relationships. Make the following agreement with yourself: once a week you will attend an event and make one useful acquaintance. On other days, you can relax and live as you wish.

How to raise an introverted child

If your child prefers solitude and his own fantasies to noisy games with peers, then you are definitely growing up an introvert. And, of course, you must help him cope with the rumbling outside world.

Do not try to fill all your child’s free time with some additional activities and do not force him to communicate with those who are unpleasant to him. He already has a hard time getting through the school day. Don't mind if he wants to retire to his room or leave the birthday party a little earlier than other children.

Explain to your introverted child why he feels stressed when he is in a noisy company for a long time. Let him know that his feelings are completely natural. Together, think about how often he should meet with friends and when is the best time to do so. Develop and discuss strategies to help you stay calm and energized throughout the day.

At school, introverts constantly find themselves in uncomfortable situations, so they cannot fully express their abilities. Treat this with understanding and start devoting more time to independent work at home. Or consider the possibility of transferring your child to family education.

In most cases, introverts have one or two serious hobbies (such as drawing, designing, or writing stories) that are not always shared by their peers. Praise your child for pursuing his hobbies, encourage him and help him find like-minded people. He will benefit from some participation in group work. However, this work should take place in small groups (two or three people).

Do everything possible so that the child acquires the necessary communication skills, learns to perceive new situations and new people more calmly, but otherwise let him remain himself and in no case try to rid him of introversion. Enjoy his original thinking. Be proud of his strength of consciousness and loyalty to his friends. And sincerely praise him when he succeeds in his favorite activities.

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In the middle of the last century, Carl Gustav Jung divided people into introverts and extroverts. Today Jonathan Chick and his fellow psychologists are aware that this model is far from complete. Indeed, among introverts there are both those who feel comfortable in the company of close friends and those who deliberately avoid any communication. Based on this, scientists have proposed divide introverts into 4 types, and this classification can provide answers to many questions.

We are in website Check out the latest research to understand yourself better.

1st type. Social introverts

Social introverts can be sociable, laid-back and even chatty. When surrounded by close friends, you can hear jokes and boisterous laughter from them. Such introverts carefully choose their social circle and truly open up only with those they truly trust.

Based on this, scientists concluded that social introversion is not shyness. It seems to such a person that communicating with a large number of people siphons energy out of him. Therefore, he avoids noisy companies, and to recuperate, he chooses solitude or the company of those closest to him.

You might be considered a social introvert if you:

• prefer the company of several close friends rather than noisy parties;
• are sure that a person cannot have many friends;
• try to make time to be with yourself;
• choose unpopular places and routes for your vacation;
• you feel like a squeezed lemon after communicating with a lot of people;
• you can do without communication for a long time;
• you prefer to work alone - other people only distract you from work.

2nd type. "Thinking" introverts

“Thinking” introverts are difficult to be confused by a large crowd of people at a noisy party. They simply don't notice anyone around them. Such introverts can remain lost in their own thoughts for hours, assessing and analyzing your inner world.

For “thinking” introverts, fantasies are not a reason to escape from reality. They perceive the world around them through the prism of personal experiences. Empathy and developed intuition- key features of “thinking” introverts; their signature style is visible in any business. But they are not always able to work according to the instructions.

You have all the signs of a “thinking” introvert if you:

• often busy analyzing their own experiences;
• try on the characters of your favorite movie or book;
• real events have always meant less to you than your internal reaction to them;
• have a complex and rich inner life;
• seriously working on your personal growth;
• evaluate yourself from the outside;
• fantasize about different situations with your participation.

3rd type. Anxious introverts

Anxious introverts are those people who are looking for loneliness with all their might, because the company of other people frightens them and unbalances them. They often encounter misunderstandings from others, find themselves in awkward situations and do not immediately understand what they want from them.

Often, even when alone, anxious introverts may feel anxious and worry about events that happened to them in the past. At the same time, they are not against communication, but avoid contacts due to uncertainty and low self-esteem.

You may find yourself with anxious introversion if you:

• when entering a room where there are already people, you feel the appraising glances of others;
• you don’t consider social skills to be your strength;
• you feel restless for no apparent reason;
• you often remember some unpleasant event that happened many years ago;
• you get very upset at any failure;
• you feel stressed and cannot find yourself in an unfamiliar environment for a long time;
• Even among close friends you may feel uncomfortable and alienated.

4th type. Reserved introverts

Reserved introverts are anything but loners. Just their style weigh everything and think it over carefully, and then start working or communicating. They can be compared to a motor that needs time to warm up. In the morning, they do not jump out of bed, but lie for a long time and stretch, thinking about the coming day.

They don’t see anything scary in communicating with a large number of people, but they will try with all their might to postpone this communication until the evening. It is important that events do not develop too quickly. Then they will have time to get involved and feel comfortable.

You might be classified as a reserved introvert if you:

• trying to find time to relax, looking for an opportunity to relax and make everything as simple as possible;
• put forward the most reasonable and balanced proposals;
• don’t think that you need to try everything in life;
• do not act under the influence of the moment or strong emotions;
• don’t like to take risks and speak without thinking;
• You often feel tired for no reason.

“Of course, like any classification, this model is very conditional,” Jonathan Chick. -You may be part social and part anxious introvert. But, knowing what features are characteristic of both, we can better predict our own and other people’s reactions and ultimately live in harmony with your nature."

Psychologists have done a lot of work to once again prove: even the most established ideas can be revised, because each of us is unique. Have you already determined your type?

Wondering if you are an introvert? First of all, introverts love spending time alone because it's very comfortable for them and there's really nothing terrible about it. The downside of introverts is that many people think (wrongly, by the way) that they are shy and even unsociable, although this is absolutely not the case. Introverts are absolutely social and sociable, they just love solitude more than company. What signs characterize this type of personality?

1. You are a homebody

An introvert prefers to stay at home rather than hang out with friends. He avoids parties and noisy pastimes. Almost every introvert is a typical homebody, and it is very difficult to get him out into public places. For him, reading a book or watching movies is much more interesting than going out in public.

2. You love silence

If you love and enjoy silence, then this is another sign of introversion. In fact, both introverts and extroverts can love silence, but introverts have a special attitude towards it. Silence and calm fill them with energy, improve their mood and make introverts happy and peaceful.

3. Social events are a source of stress.

For introverts, social events are a source of stress and discomfort. Of course, they can play the role of a sociable and talkative person among unfamiliar people, but this does not bring them any pleasure. Moreover, they try to disappear from such an event under any pretext and feel relief when everything is over and they can return to their little world again.

4. A surprise party is not your style at all.

Such a party for introverts is akin to the end of the world. They don't like to be the center of attention and hate all the fuss around them. Of course, they appreciate such a gesture of attention, but this entertainment is not to their taste at all. They would prefer a quiet and low-key celebration with a few close friends or family. Introverts do not like spontaneous trips, unplanned meetings and dates, as well as crowded events.

5. You need time to recover after a social event.

While crowded events energize extroverts, they drain introverts. If you need time to recover after such an event, be alone and organize your thoughts, then you are a typical introvert.

6. You prefer to communicate with people one-on-one

An introvert always prefers to communicate with people one on one and tries his best to avoid groups of people. They feel comfortable communicating with one person, or two at most. But a large company can easily unsettle an introvert.

7. You don't have many friends

Every person needs friends, and an introvert is no exception, although he pays more attention to the quality of his friends rather than their quantity. Introverts are wise and selective in choosing their friends, and when they find them, they themselves become very loyal and reliable friends.

Text: Marina Pavlova|

This doesn't mean that you don't know how to make friends or have communication problems. It’s just that some people have a latent desire to constantly expand the circle of their acquaintances and know how to quickly and easily meet people. You are not.

2. You are a good talker, but don't participate in discussions.

If a person is an introvert, this does not mean at all that he is not able to connect two words or does not know how to speak in public. How capable and able! But after a brilliant speech, report or lecture, you are not too fond of answering questions or participating in disputes.

3. You have extroverted friends.

Amazing, right?

However, opposites attract, so it's only natural that you might have super outgoing friends. But you keep them at a distance and allow them to approach you in strictly measured doses, just to once again be convinced of the beauty of your loneliness.

4. You don't like large crowds of people.

Concerts, meetings, crowds on the streets make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. There is no panic fear in you, but every time there is a subconscious desire to quickly leave this restless place.

5. You don't like interviews

Any such event requires the ability to quickly establish psychological connections with new people, which introverts are not very fond of. Therefore, they always prefer written answers and correspondence interviews over personal communication.

6. You are a true friend

Introverts are usually very loyal and honest people. They are, as a rule, self-sufficient individuals who value relationships in friendship, and not the benefits that it can bring.

7. Sometimes you just don't do anything.

Extroverts are always busy with something, always in the process. They are bored with themselves, and they strive to fill this emptiness with any action. Introverts, on the other hand, are able to enjoy their own company and find pleasure in quiet time.

8. You prefer letters to calls.

Your cell phone doesn't ring very often because all your friends and colleagues have already figured out that you're better off texting or emailing. You don’t understand how and why you can solve matters over the phone if you have Gmail.

9. You get along with people for a long time

If you are an introvert, this does not mean that you have anything at all. There are friends, but they are of a very special quality. These are truly time-tested and circumstance-tested people who appeared in your life for a reason.

10. You are polite

The rich inner world and vulnerability of introverts make them more attentive to the feelings of others. Knowing well how devastating a careless gesture or word can be, they attach great importance to manners, etiquette and traditions.

11. You try to plan ahead

Extroverts are quite capable of going on a trip around the world tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow spontaneously founding a new company. You have no less interesting ideas, but before you start implementing them, you prefer to plan everything well. In writing, of course.

12. You feel older than your peers

Calmness, rationalism, and restraint were inherent in you even at a very young age, and this has always distinguished you from most of your peers. Sometimes you looked down on them a little, marveling at the spontaneity and thoughtlessness of their actions.

13. You are able to maintain a balance between communication and loneliness.

Although you feel absolutely no discomfort when alone with yourself, you perfectly understand the need for socialization. Therefore, you quite consciously try, when you consider it necessary, to attend parties, parties and social events. At the same time, you are not trying to force yourself and portray the ringleader and soul of the company. Even in a noisy, crowded place, you remain who you really are and enjoy it.

After all, you are an introvert.

Introvert. Who is he and what is this definition? Mostly people to whom this term is applicable are quite calm and balanced.

They prefer a peaceful and calm course of life, carefully avoiding violent emotions and outbursts.

However, in addition to the main advantages, a person of this type also has a number of disadvantages.

Most often, family and home are the main centers of life for an introvert. Only at home does he get out of his shell, in which he hides all the time when he is outside the home walls.

If in society he may seem quite reserved, then in the family circle such a person opens up completely, like a peony on a hot summer day. He becomes sociable, welcoming, ready to make contact.

An introvert’s home almost always shines with cleanliness and neatness due to the pedantry of this person. He likes everything to be in its place and feels extremely uncomfortable when surrounded by clutter.

These qualities and the love of cleanliness are, undoubtedly, positive qualities, however, the introvert often strives for household members to follow the rules he has adopted, which often leads to the formation of minor domestic conflicts.

In the family circle, such a person fully reveals himself.

Introverts do not like guests very much and prefer to get rid of unwanted visitors by any means available. However, if it is impossible to avoid this, they show themselves to be quite hospitable and courteous hosts.

Introvert, who is it in love

Despite the fact that introverts value home, starting a family can be quite difficult for them due to the peculiarities of their complex character. They do not strive to communicate with people, even those who are very attractive to them.

Accordingly, it may be difficult for them to establish any serious relationship with the object of their sympathy.

Introvert, who is this in society?

An introvert does not strive to be at the center of social life and receive the all-consuming attention of others. On the contrary, he strives to be as inconspicuous as possible and carefully hides his emotions and feelings under the mask of seeming indifference.

However, this behavior chosen by an introvert has one undeniable advantage - it in no way depends on the opinions and assessments of the people around him.