Boring life. How can I change, how can I feel a taste for life, enjoy everything that is around me?

Greetings psychologists!
Why is my life boring, because I can’t do anything, I’m still lonely, I’m 29 years old, I’m alone.
Probably it all started from childhood, I was silent, I had no friends, no girlfriends, at school I was a quiet person, they hurt me, but I endured, and in my student years, I also didn’t communicate with anyone, so I grew up and was left with this problem for life, I'm not sociable,
I hate myself for this, I feel bad that I lost so many years of my life, but how I want to go back and change everything, then my life would be different.
I started going to a psychologist, but so far there are no results.
How can I change, how can I feel a taste for life, enjoy everything that is around, stop being the way my past made me, I really want this, be sociable, cheerful, cheerful, forget my past, and live in the present, but it doesn’t work out, everyone since something or someone reminds me of this.
I ask you to help me, I’m so tired of living, sometimes you even think about something bad, and what if I wasn’t in this world, no one cares about me anyway, whether I exist or not.
I am a person trying to change myself. From a reserved person, I want to turn into a sociable, cheerful girl.
I know that this is very difficult, but I will try, just tell me, advise, maybe some literature, advise.
Thank you in advance.

Answers from psychologists

Svetlana, hello!

it looks like you want everything at once and as quickly as possible - and this, in my opinion, is the most ineffective way to possible changes in life. It's better to set small goals for yourself and learn to be happy achieved successes, this is the only way, and not self-flagellation, that you can change your life for the better.

Best regards, Chinara Ismailova

Hello Svetlana.

I read your letter..., I want to sympathize..., your loneliness..., your boring life...,

I am glad that you tried to change - together with a psychologist.

The alarming thing is that you want instant changes.

The psychologist probably explained to you that there should be no immediate changes, and if there are, they should have alerted him.

Books?... a lot of books, even more than needed.

But the more you live in someone else’s mind, the less of your own remains :).

If only everything were that simple...

The book should fall on the "plowed soil". Otherwise, the knowledge from the book will remain book knowledge and will not become yours.

Rather, working with a psychologist can bring results.

It happens that the specialist is not yours, just as there cannot be one medicine for everyone.

Try changing it. (If you see that there is no change, it does not become lighter).

If you are in Almaty, come.

I don’t promise quick results, especially since I believe that the patient should work harder when working together.

And I help.

Together we move, change, advance.

If this way of asking the question suits you, call us.

G. Idrisov.

Hello Svetlana! To become sociable, you need to start communicating, talk with people on different topics, and be interested in everything that is happening in the world. And first, learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Having accepted your shortcomings and advantages, you can move on to the next step. stage, start introducing something new into your life. New behavior and new positive thoughts. Sincerely, Olesya.

Life is a journey. But often this journey becomes painful and boring. If you suddenly feel that you don’t like your life, and that your favorite activity no longer brings you pleasure, it’s time to find out what’s wrong. Here are 11 reasons why life can become uninteresting.

1. You have no goal

Purpose is the engine of life. Think about it, do you have it? Maybe your goal isn't challenging enough? Or has she stopped being interesting? Rethink your goal or create a new one. Plan something worthwhile so that you feel enthusiastic about achieving your goals. If your inner voice supports your goal, you will feel inspired.

2. The goal is too big

If you strive to achieve an overly difficult goal that you cannot yet achieve, you will sooner or later be disappointed. Its implementation will repel, frighten and oppress you.

Always set challenging but realistic goals. Simplify what has started to scare you and what you can’t do. Start with something small. When you complete a small task, raise the bar higher. This way you'll get to actually doing it. big goal and you won't lose interest in it.

3. You are chasing many goals at once.

In order to maintain a keen interest and passion for your business or hobby, realize your goals one by one. After all, if you try to do everything at once, you will quickly begin to feel tired, physically and psychologically.

In this state, will you be able to enjoy life and fulfill your goals in your plan? No, the process will be slow and cumbersome.

Break down each goal into small, achievable tasks. This will give you more strength to work in one direction at a fast pace. Thanks to focus, you will quickly “conquer” one goal and move on to another.

4. You are not in control of your life.

Sometimes people literally become hostages to one role. They humble themselves and get used to everyday worries and hardships. They admit that they are not able to change anything.

Mechanically performing routine tasks without inspiration and pleasure is one of the main reasons for lack of satisfaction in life. When there is no meaning to your actions, how can you expect happiness and satisfaction to come your way?

5. There is success, there is no holiday

If your life is work, work and more more work, life will become extremely boring. Even if you do what you love, you still need to celebrate all your successes, otherwise you will simply stop noticing them. There's no point in having a goal if you don't celebrate achieving it and remind yourself what it means to you.

For example, take a time out and celebrate the transition to a new stage in your activity. Or pat yourself on the back for a job well done. This will increase your self-confidence, add a couple of points to your self-esteem and will motivate you to go further and look for more difficult tasks.

6. No changes or development for a long time

Over time, everyone grows and develops. What once seemed interesting becomes less enjoyable and exciting. You grow, needs and views change. You can't keep doing the same things over and over again. They will not always bring pleasure.

Always try something new, make changes to existing processes in your work or hobby. For example, take up a new sport. Meet new people and make new friends. Develop an interest in new genres of literature, try watching unfamiliar films or listening to music from someone else’s playlist. Develop new skills, do things that develop your imagination and help you create something new.

7. You don't do good to others.

Regularly dedicate some time to help other people. When a person helps others and sees his usefulness and significance in the lives of other people, he feels happy and experiences a sense of satisfaction.

8. You don't have the best self-image.

You are the person who knows you best. You know everything about your strengths and weaknesses, positive and negative aspects. If you constantly focus only on your shortcomings and punish yourself for mistakes, you will inevitably begin to experience depression. Self-esteem will fall, and enthusiasm, which is so necessary in completing tasks and making decisions, will disappear.

It is important to think well of yourself. Accept yourself for who you are. Don't exaggerate your shortcomings, notice your successes. Love yourself. You will definitely like this life more, because there is room for happiness in it.

9. Not fulfilling your desires

Create a wish list. Mark in it what you really want to do, but do not do due to lack of time. Set a goal to complete one item from the list every week (or every month, depending on the scale of your desire).

10. You are very afraid of failure.

Nobody likes to be a loser. This is fine. But without attempts and failures there can be no success. If you protect yourself from doing difficult things, you will become bored. Overcome the fear of failure, get out of your comfort zone, take advantage of new opportunities that come your way.

11. Work too hard

When you have too many responsibilities, you are overloaded - life becomes gray. If you're working too hard, it's time to relax. Take breaks. This will not only give you a rest, but will also help you get a full picture of what is happening to you.

There is only one life. And you have a responsibility to make it interesting. First of all, for your own sake. Take the driver's seat, take control of your life, put it in motion. You have every opportunity for this.

Hello Anton.

Any activity, any process becomes at times habitual and monotonous if it lasts long enough. Therefore, it is normal for you to have such feelings. And why do you call it irrational? Look at your life from the other side - this is confident stability, which, by the way, many strive for. Isn't stability rational?

By the way, have you tried to ask your wife about her impressions - doesn’t your life seem boring to her? Wouldn't she also like to contribute something? After all, it may turn out that she is satisfied with everything, and then all your attempts to change or add something may be met with at least slight surprise on her part. Of course, you shouldn’t ask head-on questions like “don’t you think, dear, that our lives are too boring?” or “I have a feeling that we live like roommates, I’m not interested, let’s diversify our lives somehow.” With questions and suggestions like these, you risk frightening your beloved and creating anxiety in her soul.

So all changes and innovations must occur without disturbing the order that you have achieved over 16 years of marriage. That's when you accept your life as a stable happy one family life, from now on you can add something to it to color it. For starters, one-time actions and actions are also suitable (buy flowers, cook a romantic dinner, etc.), but all these pleasant trifles give a momentary and short-term effect, the joy quickly passes, and everything returns to normal. And if you, apparently, want something drastic, so that your relationship can reach a new level, both parties will have to “work” for it.

And for this it is already necessary to agree and move towards changes together, choosing paths and working in in the right direction. In other words, the consent and activity of the other party is necessary. Let me explain with an example. The two, who had lived a long (and happy!) life together, raised children, decided to sign up for dancing and learn an activity that was completely new to them. We got carried away. After some time, they began to perform at special amateur competitions, and this became a new side of their life for them, organically joining it and making it much brighter and more enjoyable.

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Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Hello, Anton. Any activity, any process becomes at times habitual and monotonous, e...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

I’m at a dead end, I don’t know what to do, what to do with myself... There is work, but it’s monotonous and boring, I’m already going to look for a part-time job to diversify my life. Sometimes, especially at night, such melancholy attacks that you even want to cry... It seems like there is a job, there is a roof over your head, but... there is no support, no care, no love, no health... I very often ask myself The question is why some have everything - health, money, a loved one, while others have nothing.....???? Life is terribly boring and I don’t know how to diversify it, I don’t know what I want... Maybe you can tell me how to feel more confident in this world, protected and love myself...

You reason like this: there seems to be work, there is a roof... But what kind of work? Boring. How to love yourself if you do something you don't like? Every day, when you come to an unloved, boring job, you confirm your worthlessness and prove to yourself that life is boring. Of course it’s boring – after all, we spend almost 70% of the day at work. It turns out that all this time you are in a state of melancholy. Will a part-time job solve this problem? Hardly. You will become more tired and irritated. Can you find a job where your life will be full and interesting? Or move forward in your current job? Go to study if you don’t have enough skills to advance? Set personal professional goals?

Many people find fulfillment and a taste for life through an interesting hobby, which often develops into a profession. Only you yourself can make your life bright. And in order to get something from other people, you need to give them something. That's how life works.

There is as much money as the energy you put into its production.

There are as many friends as there is energy and warmth you put into the relationship.

You see: invest, invest... It's like investing in a bank. First you need to put money in, and then, only then dividends.

But I don’t want to invest because I have no motivation. A We can only be motivated by what we are personally interested in . And not what others have. Then self-confidence comes - you feel like a person in demand and needed. What is self-confidence? First of all, it is love for life: for life in general and for life in oneself.

Lack of life goals creates boredom and depression. This has become a very common problem these days. And it doesn't depend on availability material assets. According to domestic and foreign researchers, by 2020 depression will become the most common disease in the world.

Let's talk about how to understand your personal motivation and become a source of energy for yourself. How to build a solid foundation for your life. How to live interestingly and feel confident.

Portrait in the interior.

First, let's create an ideal portrait of your interesting life. Without regard to how others do. And because you want it. Let's just dream. To do this you need to answer next questions:

- Who you are? (What do you look like, what do you do, why do they love you?);
- Who should you spend time with to make life interesting?
- How much money should you have for this?
- What type of activity should you do?
- How should you behave?
- How much time should you devote certain types activities?

The description should be very specific and detailed. Carefully study what is written and try to highlight the main life goals. Let there be 5-7 of them, no more. Write them down.

I want and I can.

Now we have an idea of ​​what we want in this life. It's time to think about what we can really do. Now mark only those goals for the implementation of which you are ready to really work hard, study, in general, spend energy and time.

Don't fool yourself. In addition to the desire to do something, there must be abilities and inclinations. In other words, if you are 40 years old and want to become a famous ballerina, but have never done it, then, unfortunately, it is too late to start. But you can think about this: what needs of yours are you satisfying with this desire? Perhaps this is a need for respect? Then think about what other purpose could satisfy this need? The same need can be satisfied by achieving different goals. And this is very important: since we get true pleasure not so much from achieving goals, but from satisfying needs. Knowing this, we can enjoy life absolutely different ways without focusing on unattainable goals.

Total psychologists identify several basic needs that drive a person:

Psychologist's advice

- Physiological needs(in eating, drinking, breathing, sex and self-defense, etc.);
- Security needs(in the “reliability” of physical and social condition: material, health, prosperous old age, the absence of all kinds of shocks such as wars and revolutions, etc.);
- Social needs(in love, contacts, social activity and so on.);
- Need for respect(in respect and self-esteem, prestige, success, etc.);
-Need for self-actualization(in self-realization, self-affirmation, self-realization and understanding of one’s place in the world).

It must be remembered that Over time, motives may change. This is due to the fact that when one need is satisfied, a person has another, more high level . For example, if you already receive a salary that provides you completely, there may be a need for recognition, prestige, to become a well-known specialist, to transfer your knowledge, to have the appropriate attributes of power.

I do it and I get it.

Thus, we still have the most important goals for which we will try. Now the question arises: how to achieve all this? There are a few simple principles, following which you can build your life in the desired direction.

1. Set your priorities.

Achieving which goal requires attention first? It’s no secret that some goals can only be achieved during certain periods of time.

2. Make a plan to achieve your goals.

Have you ever wondered why we achieve some goals and not others? For example, you are going to quit smoking. Some day. This usually happens when a doctor examines your lungs for x-ray, begins to worry about how you are still breathing. And then you quit smoking, simply because you want to live. But when at work the boss says that the report needs to be submitted by April 30, that’s a different matter, then we start working hard. We achieve our goal only by adhering to a schedule or schedule tied to a specific date or period. Once you have determined exactly what you want, you need to decide how long it will take to achieve it.

I'm tired of life, my whole life is boring and monotonous and this has been happening for so long that I don't even notice the time. Every day it’s the same school/home/computer/sleep and so on all the time, others have something going on in their lives, they communicate as friends, fall in love, but I don’t have anything like that in my life. I’m 16 years old, and I haven’t even held a girl’s hand, let alone friends. For example, I want to learn to play the guitar, but my mother won’t buy it for me and says that I will only disturb everyone. I don’t even have my own space, I have to live in the same room with my uncle, and he is a very unpleasant person. He drinks all the time and insults me, although I didn’t even say anything to him.
I do everything and fashionable hairstyle I do and dress stylishly, I even put on an earring, but I continue to feel ugly and no one is interested in me. I’m just tired of living, tired, bored, it feels like I was carrying bags, although I didn’t even do anything like that, the feeling of fatigue continues even when I go to bed. A little more and I’ll just kill myself, because life is gray and uninteresting for me. There is no need to suggest finding a hobby or friends. I searched but it didn't work
Support the site:

0101001, age: 16 / 01/03/2017

Responses:

Hello buddy!
Hold on!!! You can do this!!!
As they say, it is not the gods who burn the pots.
Set yourself a small goal and achieve it today. And you can do this every day.
At the end of the year, you can look at your goal diary and be very surprised at what a productive superman you are.
The main thing is to do something, and not sit at the computer!
Good luck buddy!!!

Azat, age: 36 / 01/03/2017

Hello!
Interesting nickname! Is this in binary?
Isn't there a music club at school? Or maybe not at your school, but not far away?
Or find like-minded people from your city on the Internet, collect a little money for everyone together, and buy one guitar for everyone?
What would you play if you already knew how? Do you sing well? Or haven't you tried it?
Well, in general, at 16, I think it’s a little early to date someone. It seems so to me.

Marina, age: 14 / 01/03/2017

My friend’s parents didn’t buy a guitar for me. He drew on cardboard and studied at home. And in the yard he asked for the real thing and consolidated his knowledge. One of the best guitarists in our city.

Dima, age: 38 / 01/03/2017

Hello. And you couldn’t find a hobby?! Strange, aren’t you interested in hockey, football, basketball? Skis, skates? Reading, drawing? Photography, programming? I advise you to watch great movies, maybe with headphones on so as not to disturb your uncle, for example “Forrest Gump”. Chat with the guys on the forums. You are an interesting young man, in the future you will certainly meet a girl who will become your wife. Good luck!

Irina, age: 29 / 01/03/2017

Good evening:) maybe you should join some youth movement or become a volunteer? A common cause unites, friends will probably appear there, and love will unexpectedly appear =) There are youth communities that go on hikes together and there will probably be 1-2 guitarists there. I think they won’t refuse to teach you a couple of chords;)

crystal Orchid, age: 28 / 01/03/2017